Welcome to the Old Guest Book. The One I removed. But that didn't stop you lot, did it? Oh no, you kept right on sending messages to it, despite the fact that every single link to the form-filling page was totally obliterated! You just do it deliberately to annoy me, don't you? Well alright then, I give in! Have the wretched thing, see if I care!!
There once was a girl from Savannah Who liked to sit on bananas Well
you get the drift, this is the best I can do for toilet humor this late at nite.
Oh, and, for a good time, call my sister at Bambi's Thicket, 555-6969. See
(This person is being allowed to live on to a ripe old age for one reason only, which is that she has actually managed to find the new guest book. You know, the one I *don't* have to spend hours laboriously updating.)
I read this in a bathroom stall at K-Mart...."You might as well take a seat, Tennessee CRABS can jump ten feet" MeMe
(I think you need to frequent a better class of cheap shop. Here's a joke to make this entry slightly funny. A man says to his girlfriend "I found some crab paste so I made a sandwhich, but it tastes funny, where did you get it from?" to which she relies "..the chemist.." Laugh or die)
INTERESTING PLACES TO ANONYMOUSLY PUT YOUR FECES-(USE RUBBER GLOVES!) -dabbed on elevator buttons -plastered up under car door handles -on your enemy's doorknob (on the underside, so he'll grab before he sees) -toilet flush handles (soak the paper dispenser with your piss while yer at it) -splattered onto ceilings or walls DOING THESE (OR SIMILAR) IS A THRILLING "YOU CAN'T CATCH ME" GAME THAT TESTS YOUR TRUE BALLS, SNEAKINESS, CREATIVITY AND INTELLIGENCE, AND GIVES YOU THE SIDESPLITTING PLEASURE OF RICH PAYBACK. HAVE AT IT!
Chief Iron Outhouse email@example.com
(I took your advice, Chiefy. You really *ought* to have checked your mouse before you used it, you know)
lavvy i can pick my nose with my willy i stalk my mommy
billy silly firstname.lastname@example.org
Somedays it's blindingly obvious where the Irish got their less-than-intellectual reputations from)
When shit becomes valuable, the poor will be born without assholes.
(Whereas I, on the other hand, will still be stuck with assholes like this! But I have to admit I really enjoy reading profound witticisms, Joe. So go away and think of one)
Is there a lawyer in the house. I'm suing. My god my memories bad ... that dress was worn..... erm.... 7 years since Dinsdale disappeared among the brassicas, plus 3 or 4 or 5 years. There are better photos of me, what about the one with the red eyes and breathing smoke, with the see through dress....
(Just click the link and be shocked by the frock, folks! Actually Elanor, that was the good photo of you - if you don't want the *other* one to appear on the page, leave a Jeffrey in used notes behind the cess-pit in the West Dungeon. Bloody Mudsharks, treating my guestbook like their own private message board....)
I just went to the "Latest Misdeeds", in search of an explaination of the Wizard's recent unpleasantry with the local peasantry, but none was forthcoming. I thought I would take this opportunity to be the first person ever to complain that you haven't written enough. When can we expect an update?
Peep, Peep@cyberDude.com, via the mystery of Gregori's paranormally paranoid web thingy.
(Dogschool has obviously proved a bit too much for you, eh Peep? It's a brave man who would encourage Florentina's literary endeavours, and you're neither of those. You've got the wrong department anyway - for complaints, you want the third gloomy corridor on the left (the door marked "alligators"). You'll get an update when I'm good and ready!!)
I dont write my address on loo walls fit like?
(No, but you write your name, thus enabling me to reveal to all the world the literary shortcomings of Sebastian and Christobel Mudshark. *You* weren't even at the Binge! Ha, you missed a good 'un!)
Hi Muddies now working at a Marine lab, they know about sharks!!!! I've noticed that men are like buses. You wait for one for ages and then three come along at the same time. And the fares go up
(You disappoint me. I thought you were going to say "They're noisy, smelly and tbink that size is important. You were remarkably quiet at the last Binge, Elanor - how am I supposed to write anything libellous about you?)
How do you get three old women to shout "Fuck"! Get one old woman to yell "Bingo"
(I'm losing the will to live......)
Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat, sooner or later you're going to get pissed off. And just to prove you wrong, I've spellt evry wordd write
Fifi Trixabelle Yeah, right!
(Oh, Joke Number 3,721 (a) - haven't heard that one since...oh... tuesday at least)
Hey-I think this is one of the more creative sites I have seen-just spent a considerable amount of time exploring-Good Job!
(I can't think of a single bad thing to say about this chap. Help! I'm losing my touch!!)
I just popped into Game Control with sticky buns (a special offer at Thain's the Bakers, not a sexual deviation), and couldn't help but explore your sheep links... Interesting... Baaaaaaaah!
(Don't eat the pies, Peep, or you'll have more "sheep links" than you bargained for! BTW, I've been unpleasant to you lower down this page. No, don't thank me, it's all in a day's work)
(Hi. Well, that was thought-provoking wasn't it?)
This damn site is the raunchiest site I have been to in a LONNNNNNNNNNNG time. (That means I like it) I am going to bookmark this sucker so I can come back and really absorb it all. SCARY HUH?????????????? BTW..U left out the bedrooms. :) Could be LOTS of opportunities there. If this took u a 1/2 hr..you are a genius or just utterly phucking nuts
(I could, I suppose, spend another half hour explaining the concept of "irony", but why bother. By the way, it's not spelt... oh, what's the use!! You're right about the genius part though.)
I'm 7 years old. I'd like to jump out the window and onto the shed.
Johhny Bird Jnr, email@example.com
(You go right ahead Birdman. We'll all come and visit you in hospital afterwards)
(Eric has produced a lovely little piece of ASCII "art" which, if you screw your eyes up looks a bit like.... ERIK. I don't think he's been well, folks)
OK WHO TOOK ALL THE PAPER?
(I did. It's my lavvy and I'll do what I like. Here - have a copy of The Sun instead)
sorry man i got my e-mail address wrong last time.still want all your love and stains to adorn my bed sheets. lots of love from the man whose sphincter will swell in your presence the one and only Guy
guy graham GMG717@bham.ac.uk
(...failing to capitalise on his fortuitous inability to type his email address correctly and slip quietly into anonimity, Guy makes a triumphant return. You've got to admire his persistence, if not his eyesight. Hellooo... I'm a *woman*, Guy! (.......Birmingham University.. says it all, really)
I like big hard willies thrust into my face.do it now with your fat one big boy.I love a piece of it.do it now make my day you big hairy slapper. I'll be your bitch,you know it makes sense
guy graham firstname.lastname@example.org
(Now, normally I would scrub such foolishness off my walls, but I was touched by Guy's strenuous efforts to make a total pillock of himself in public. Guy, what *is* you mother going to say? *Of course* she's seen it, I forwarded it to her personally!)
In answer to eileen mcseee's >"All hail the Mudsharks." We answer: "Chip Roll!"
Neil & John email@example.com
(Well what else could you say? Keep the shiny side up and the greasy side down boys! (The *car*, Neil, the car!)
Neil & John say Hello to our fellow Mudsharks COME ON THE VALE (Well that's what I normally write on bog walls)
Neil Fletcher firstname.lastname@example.org
(Hmmm... that's not what I hear. Anyway, didn't you hear what I just said about politicians? Oh - you lost, didn't you.. that's alright then.)
WilliamAlexander(remember me?) William her.Howyou doin.notis ve typing erors?c u sun.
(How could we forget you? Besides, it's so quiet round here now..)
Well M'dear, it seems you haven't gotten any fresh meat in awhile, so I thought I would send you a box of those little dessicated mice stuffed with fruit and nuts. I don't know, Peep might like them.
Lop A'Head ,Brawnwen@aol.com lavvy
(Well you know Peep, he'll eat anything, but I, of course, am considerably more discerning and prefer my mice in a nice red wine sauce with bacon and mushrooms - well, the dried ones get stuck in your teeth! We've had some big, juicy rats in the chicken coop recently - any recipe suggestions?)
if there is anything a nonconformist can't stand....it is another nonconformist who does not conform to nonconformist theory....
(I couldn't agree more. Well, I probably could, actually)
Notice to all who enter here: The probability of being watched is drectly proportional to the stupidity of the act, and I am really sorry that the first place I checked in the woe-begone site is, of all places, th loo!
(That sounds like the voice of experience. Anyway, you'd have been even sorrier if it had been the last place you checked and we didn't have one)
hello! interesting place you've got here, and interesting railway system. DO YOUKNOW WHO ROY SASANO IS? no-one knows; it's a mysterious mystery! and please don't forget, your STOMACH hurts because of my SHUT UP COOKIES!
(You know, there are days when I am swept away on a tide of enthusiasm for the exciting new medium of communcation that is the Internet. And then there are other days. Guess which one this is. No, I do *not* know who Roy Wossiname is, now go eat a cookie.)
Note the *NEW* E-mail address... (What IS that I'm standing in?? Smells of Yak...?)
(Ho hum, talk of the devil.. Looks like it, smells like it, tastes like it.. good thing you didn't stand in it! Oh, you did.... Better not let Harriet see your shoes, Peep)
Vote Tory, you know it makes sense!
Tony Blair, email@example.com
(Right - out. No salesmen, no loose women and no politicians allowed. Oh, alright, loose women can stay.. But since you're here.. Tell us about economic convergence, Tone. No? Fiscal drag? Tone? Come back Tone...)
Have you noticed that men are like cyberpets. A couple of minutes playing with them keeps them happy. And when you get bored... take the batteries out!!!!
(And they're incredibly bloody annoying too! )
why the hell are you reading these walls, are you looking for someone who will give you a ride for free. Come on i dare you to call one of these phone numbers. Oh come on you know you want to
megan klasner firstname.lastname@example.org
(Oh dear. One of those. That's MEGAN KLASNER, for those who want to scoff)
Here to save the world from the excesses of Mudsharkism and other schisms. Howl with joy as the tower comes tumbling down and squashes the sheep. Baa! Fill in the fish pond and other assorted sillyness as in lochness. Geedit? Puzzle out the bamboozle factor involved in 'things' and above all snork wildley, esspecially at Dudly. All donations of food gratefully accepted.
(Now that's almost creative, that, and if it was marginally more intelligent I could almost be convinced it was Peep. Like the bit about snorking wildly at Dudley) (and yes, I got it.. yawn..)
Is that a banana in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
(Nope, it's a banana.)
You know opinions are like ass holes, everyone has one and they think other peoples' stink!!" "The plaque for second place will be found in the lady's room." "Ain't it funny how the winter makes you laugh a little slower and talk a little lower about the things you could not show her." Guess where these three quotes are from?
(Guess?? I don't have to guess, I know! Pity about the "difficult second album") (also a pity that you couldn't get that quote right)
( Aww! Look at that! He can write his name!!)
What is the grossest thing you've ever heard about? Beats me, I'd enjoy it if you told me...
Lop A'head Brawnwen@aol.com
(Oh, one of those, eh? Dear heart, I don't listen to gossip, no, not even the one about the hamster and the roll of sellotape! But as for my personal "Top Three Grossest Experiences"....hmm... tricky.. Offhand, I would certainly rate "Fun and games with tape-worm infested rat-intestines in the Zoology Laboratory" "Interesting life-forms growing on the garden pissing-patch" (strictly for use when the toilet froze up, you understand!) "Those cute little mummified mice down the back of the sofa" and, of course, the unforgettable "A camping expedition, a high-fibre diet and a plastic bag" How we laughed at that last one! Well, Peep didn't, but then it was his bag....... (nb all stories are true. Witnesses can be co-erced.) (and yes, I know that's four - I got carried away)
Fantastic site!!! I just stumbled over it while surfing, and I love it! Keep up the good work!
Erik Nolander, email@example.com
(What insight! What wisdom! What a pity he couldn't have written something witty, too!)
All men, please put down the toilet seat after using, we women don't like wet arses.
(Now that's the first sensible thing anyone's said! Better still, all men just tie a knot in the end of it...)
My outhouse is better than yours. In Vermont a good outhouse is like a status symbol.
(OOOOOOOH! Hoity toity! Next thing you'll be saying you use paper too!)
Any vacancies at Mudtowers?
(No, we're fully "engaged" at the moment! Chortle chortle! Hey, if I say that was a joke, then it was a joke, okay??)
Better warn the family not to dig the garden, got rid of another man!!!
(He never stood a chance, folks!)
All hail the mudsharks
(It's a bit...er... minamalist, isn't it Elanor?)
Just looking at your homepage. Very, well... different.no, I don't mean in a bad way, but in a very good way. I enjoyed the contents, and the delightful , humorous way of writing. You make me chttp://www.xentar.com
X E N T A R firstname.lastname@example.org lavvy
(Although I rather enjoy the notion of being able to make someone Chttp://, I'm afraid this is once again the result of computer malfuction. Excuse me while I take an axe to the wretched machine)
so she said, "you'll never get it straight with all that banging." and i said, "yeah, i guess you're right, it is only a paperclip."
Mark Rupert email@example.com
(You see the sort of thing I have to put up with?? Is it any wonder I drink???)
Reality Bites Make Love Not Sense Say No To Normality A man with no faith is like a fish with no bike Hip Hip Hippopotamus My parent taught me better than to write on walls
anonymous (not me)@Bah!
(By psychic enema, I have divined that the above message has come from an imaginary Fish in the magical land of Iz. O ye of little faith!)
Hmmm What to say.... I also was brought up with parents that could be creative when "someone" did something with writting utensils in the wrong place.. But that never stopped me from enjoying other's artistic creations in unusual places.. eh What? Anybody know what happened to Dr Who? Beware of falling tardises,
John D Van G, firstname.lastname@example.org
(Yes I do as a matter of fact. But I'm not telling.)
psssst for a good time call 1-800-lakanukie hehehehehehe. sorry i can't be more witty. Here in the states, on Halloweeny we tip these things over if they are wood, which is why you wily Scots build them out of bricks.In fact, in America we hav e an idom dedicated to this phenominon. Dare I be redundant and repeat it No full moons here! ;")
(Oh, go on! Be redundant! Everybody else is!)
My dad used to tell me about how he would move outside privies off of their holes as a prank on Halloween night. (Hmmm, no wonder I have a personality problem.) Too bad cyberspace doesn't allow for such frivolities or I could have had a bit of fun. Awaiting the snide remarks..
another Sharon , email@example.com
(Snide?? Moi? Towards someone who thinks moving bogs around is sophisticated fun??? Perish the thought!!!)
.There was a little shark Who had a little mark Right in the middle of her belly She did a little wriggle And had a little giggle Then ate another pommie tourist Wearing wellies!
Aussie-upside-down-shark , firstname.lastname@example.org
(Awww! Someone with a poetic bent!)
Shitshark is a living LEGEND!!!!! And don't you forget that. Oh and by the way, your toilet smells really bad!!
(Some sort of wire-brush-and-disinfectant called for then? Now don't struggle... (...Shane, is that you? No?? You mean there are *2* scatalogically challenged inhabitants of Aus? Oh Dear!)
E-mail me please at email@example.com. Your the best!!
(Now that is just asking for trouble! Hmmmm... more aliases than Monty's mIRC account, but obviously a woman of taste and perception, despite the dodgy e-mail addy )
Personality problem? First I gotta have one don't I? Hey, don't look at me there's a blue dinosaur staring at me form the top of my PC!
(our regular reader writes!)
Like the picture
(Er... *what* picture, Dave?)
Good to the last drop
(Mr Nobody, apparently)
Blah blah blah blah blah mail to: <firstname.lastname@example.org>< stupid ></a>
(Is that supposed to be an attempt at a link? Sheesh!)
Is this an outhouse (wooden privy with the crescent moon on the door) or a public lavatory (as in, tiled walls, metal stalls with doors that occasionally latch and are supposedly for use by only one sex)? I really need to know--I never, ever took a crayon with me to the outhouse because my grandparents would have found a way to make me scrub off the "artwork". Besides, it's not a lot of fun to dally in one of those locations during the summer or the dead of winter when the wind is blowing....
(Now this is more the quality of stuff we need! To answer the burning question, this is an outhouse, but a brick one, not a wooden one, and it doesn't have a crecent moon on the door, it has a small piece of fretwork in the shape of a wildebeest.)
Someone's hammering on the door. Out you go...